Products I Wouldn't Buy (would you?)

Somehow, we have all been tricked - taken - hoodwinked...into believing that having MORE things equals MORE happiness, MORE peace, MORE success. In fact, the opposite may be true.

Every once in awhile, I stumble across products that make me shake my head in utter disbelief. I can see how people are bamboozled into buying yet another raincoat or pair of shoes, but...this...this is new level of madness.

Tell me. Would you buy...?

Products I Wouldn't Buy (would you?) 1A Little Colour ($120/per child)

For only $120 (that's one-hundred-and-twenty-dollars!), you can get a "specific analysis of your child's colour profile and advice on colour issues." According to the website, knowing your child's best colours will take the hassle out of shopping because you'll be able to choose choose outfits that will make your child look great. Heaven forbid that your golden-haired 3-year-old wear green when his color is really orange!

Products I Wouldn't Buy (would you?) 2Juppy Baby Walker ($24.95)

Your toddler hasn't started walking yet, but little Johnny and Jill next door have? Help your baby "catch up" with the Juppy, a canvas bag with handles. No more achy back for you. Don't carry your baby any longer than you need to. Your baby WILL learn to walk if it's the last thing you do.

Oh, and it's doctor-approved...which means SO MUCH in this day-and-age.

Products I Wouldn't Buy (would you?) 3Booty Pop - Booty Enhancing Panties ($19.95 + shipping)

Are you a little flat-bottomed? Purchase a pair of these fluffy panties and your bottom will pop right out for all to notice and admire. Supposedly, all the celebs wear them. You want a pair now, right? We will all now flock to buy them because Kelly Ripa wore them on her show. Right? (Oh, how I hope that's not true).

Products I Wouldn't Buy (would you?) 4Potty Training Stickers ($3.99-$5.99/sticker)

Is your little one having trouble with his/her...ahem...aim? Peel and stick one of these onto the inside of your toilet and the heat of your child's urine will reveal a playful design. There's even a "Hole in One" sticker for your little golf pro. No comment.

Products I Wouldn't Buy (would you?) 5Pump Gloves ($14.95)

The Tagline is "Don't Be A Ditz, Cover Your Mitts!" They are "designed to protect a woman’s hands and manicure from the gas, grease, grime and germs she comes into contact with while pumping gasoline." I'm not making this up.

P.S. You might as well wear them while you are out running errands too...and especially when lifting those heavy shopping bags! Wouldn't want to chip your nails, after all!

Products I Wouldn't Buy (would you?) 6Thanks For Everything ($3.50-$5.50/card)

Someone took the time to buy you a wonderful gift for your wedding, new baby, or special occasion. Now, you can show them how much you care...by hiring this company to write a thank-you note for you! Answer a few simple questions and they'll craft a semi-lengthy note that is "so poignant and personalized" no one will ever know that you outsourced it. Sneaky, Sneaky.

* This post is obviously written in satire. If you actually bought these products and you love them, I want to hear about it. :)

Would you (or did you...) buy any of these products? What other interesting/laughable products have you seen advertised?

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47 comments on “Products I Wouldn't Buy (would you?)”

  1. Wow! That's a little much. Although I'm not going to lie, I've thought about getting the booty-enhancing panties. Not to enhance my booty though. I am definitely flat-bottomed, and I have yet to find a pair of jeans that don't sag. People tell me to wear a belt, but I have no butt to hold the belt up! I've tried! I wish there was a company that made jeans for girls with no butt!

  2. I have to be frank, I am a little embarrassed. I just wrote a sponsored post on one of these items yesterday, and it's an item that I personally don't own, nor would I purchase, because I don't need it. But, my family could use the extra $$, and I didn't feel too bad writing a post with a text-link for 3 digits, so I guess it's to each his own, right? Then again, I wouldn't want to offend someone who would purchase these products!

    I always try to not be too judgmental, especially being a pastor's wife! ;-)

  3. How funny- that first one had me cracking up! I have to tell you though, I have a juppy baby walker, and love it. I was in a car accident in high school, broke my back, and the strain with babies kills me! This thing is awesome for that!

  4. Huh...when I was working at a preschool, we'd toss a single cheerio in the potty for the little boys to aim at, which cost just pennies (and they're biodegradable! Bonus!)
    There's a market out there for ANYTHING, apparently.

  5. LOL!!!! This gave me a good laugh this morning. Sometimes I can be a total sucker for infomercial products! I admit it! But, pretty much all of these things seem "out there" to me.:) Have you heard of the "Tiddy Bear" Yes, I promise that is the real name. Google it! It is a small teddy bear with a snap that you are supposed to attach to your seatbelt strap in between..umm..the girls..to make your seatbelt more comfy. It is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen!! No offense to any of you "Tiddy Bear" lovers out there.:)

  6. Consumerism in the US is completely out of whack. Not to mention the fact that most American's are drowning in debt to buy said ridiculous items and the like. But then when it comes to healthy food that costs 'more' (it's actually the real cost of food when you peel away all the BS subsidies, etc...), those same ridiculous - spending individuals balk.
    Colors for kids? That's just STUPID!
    GOOD POST!

  7. Too funny although...if the Potty Training Stickers weren't so dang expensive I might think about buying them. I have grandsons (age 7 & 10) that are at my house everyday. Between them and the neighbor boys that come over to play, my downstairs bathroom can get down right stinky and scary. I've painted a spider in the toilet bowl to help with their aim but it only lasts a few weeks and I have to repaint it. hehe

  8. Thanks for the laugh Stephanie! I am embarrassed to admit I almost bought something similar to the Juppy called Walking Wings. They were on sale at Walgreens - don't judge me! :) Okay, you can judge me. Our son didn't want to crawl - he started walking holding our hands when he was 10 months old but didn't walk on his own until he was 13 months old. He didn't want to be carried or crawl, and he was constantly on the move, so my husband's and my backs were BREAKING! That's my excuse at least! In the end, my saner husband talked me out of it.

    Also I have no need for the booty pop but I do remember Kelly Ripa wearing them on her show. It was a complete joke - I'm sure she doesn't wear them in real life.

    For boys working on their aim - may I suggest Cheerios? :)

  9. Wow! I would nevery buy any of these products. The most they will ever get from me is a giggle-except the pump gloves. I'd like to know who is responsible for their advertising and send him back to 1950!

  10. Ohh woooowwww....

    You know, I think my booty needs some pop! Then people will "notice and admire" my bum, just what I always wanted! And A Little Colour? Well, that's ONE way to encourage superficiality in children...

  11. A Little Colour sounds crazy! They all do, but that one especially does. I recently read glowing reviews of a "crib tent" and couldn't understand where that was coming from...

    1. I think I saw that "crib tent" advertised somewhere...totally not my style (especially since we don't even own any cribs in the first place). ;)

  12. lol...as long as they can make someone believe they need it...it's actually a little sad.

    have you heard of baconnaise? bacon flavored mayo? because that is what we need to...keep cardiologists in business??

  13. this was very funny! I have NOT bought any of these, but the other day I considered the Juppy b/c my boy WANTS to be standing all the time but at 6 months, he's nowhere close to being able to do it on his own, so I thought it would be fun to play with him ... but I'll probably get him a Johnny Jump Up or something instead... except I hear those can be dangerous - so not sure! :)

  14. I think for boys the toilet stickers might be fun but in the end probably don't work well and the gas glove? I can see that but gas stations near us have plastic gloves right next to the pumps for people to use.

  15. I laughed and laughed until I got to the gas-pumping glove, and then I thought, "well, hey now, wait a minute!"

    I actually like to use gloves when I pump gas because I don't like the smell of gasoline on my hands. But I use the leather work gloves I keep in my glove compartment for this and other tasks, like hooking up the trailer, or loading wood into the back, or whatever other heavy-duty task that comes up! They seem to work just fine. ;)

  16. ha ha ha, this made me laugh really hard! Okay, a few things- I was just talking with a friend today about how Thatcher has like No booty, and his cloth diapers are like his own personal bootie panties (okay, that sounds like a weirder joke when I write it out!) LOL

    Oh, and that gas glove? I could totally see the need for that, because for some reason I SUCK at getting gas. I get it all over me every time I do it. It's the "one" thing I'm really girly about and beg hubby to do for me (actually, I don't have to beg anymore, he pretty much takes care of it) :). Buuuut, I still don't think I'd buy the glove, but I'm just saying- if someone gave it to me- I might keep it, and use it LOL.

  17. I have to say, having a little one that is working on walking right now...I'd give the Juppy a try. I'm not sure if it would be helpful in the end, but it doesn't really seem ridiculous to me.

    Everything else, though, pretty crazy.

  18. Oh. My. Goodness. Sad that there are so many people in need, but there are others actually PURCHASING this stuff!

    Although, I will say... the potty training stickers may have been kinda fun when my boy was learning his aim. ;)

  19. Haha, okay I have come into contact with some of these! I bought some "Walking Wings" for my daughter to play at the beach. I could hold her by the "wings" without ripping her arms off or being washed out to sea while she splashed in the waves! Then, my next daughter used it while she was learning to walk and really, it is a back saver! She would crawl over to me and want to "walk" with them! I loved them! And, I have thought about buying the stickers for the toilet because my boys really have a hard time keeping the pee in the toilet. Maybe it is a boy thing? My aunt bought the gloves for all the ladies in the family one Christmas. I have actually never used them, they sit in the "glovebox," but someone has thought they were a good idea!

    1. Out of all of the products listed, the Juppy strikes me as being most useful (as you mentioned). I personally wouldn't buy it, but I can see why others might.

      Since I only have little girls, I don't have to worry about "aim." But maybe I'll be singing a different tune someday... ;)

      1. Some moms I know always have told me just to put some cheerios in the toilet if your little man is having trouble with aim. Tell them to shoot for those. ;) No need to buy extra stickers!

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